blink of an eye
by Befham
Summary: She is taking part in a yoga class on the beach the first time she catches him watching her.


**Takes place a few years before both shows begin.**

II

She is taking part in a yoga class on the beach the first time she catches him watching her.

It still surprises her at times that she can do mundane things such as take a yoga class at 8:00am even two years after escaping Division. She tries to blend into this quiet life that she has created for herself on this busy island. She never lets her guard down, always on the defence in case they find her, and she never lets herself become close to people. Nikita learned the hard way the dangers of becoming close to people. But after two years of running she has settled into a tentative routine on this island, and is stating to think of it as home.

But when she catches this man staring at her fifty feet away all of her fears come true that Division has finally found her. She doesn't recognise the agent, but he could be a new recruit. It's almost insulting that Percy sends a recruit after her. In her mind she is going through all the options of how to take him out discreetly, but then he smirks at her, this adorable lopsided smile and she knows that he isn't Division. No Division agent smiles like that at their target.

He approaches her after class and the lopsided smile is still in place when he says, "Hi, I'm Steve."

II

He asks her out for drinks. She's ready to tell him no, but the word "Okay" slips from her lips before she can help herself.

Her heart is in her mouth when he picks her up at her tiny house on the beach and she has thought up of countless excuses to get herself out of this hole that she has dug, but none of them come to mind when he's smiling down at her.

He takes her to a bar where they drink beer and dance to awful music.

It's the most fun that she has ever had.

For the first time in a very long time, a man is making her nervous. For Nikita, seduction is an easy thing. She was taught by Amanda to seduce and lure any man into her bed, to get any information that she needed. Josephine would have had Steve McGarrett between her thighs within the hour of their date.

But Steve doesn't want Josephine.

He want's Nikita. The _real _Nikita.

Josephine would be at the best restaurant on the island wearing Versace, drinking expensive wine and seducing a billionaire into giving up his latest tech.

The real Nikita is at a dingy bar wearing shorts and a top that cost her $20, drinking beer and being seduced by a man wearing cargo pants.

She loves every minute of it.

II

He drives her back home, walks her to the door, puts one hand on her waist and leans in and kisses her cheek like a perfect gentleman. It's every cliché that Nikita has ever read about and it's happening to _her._ She is giddy with pleasure and alcohol. He's about to step back when Nikita fists her hand into his shirt and pulls him closer to her. Steve pushes her against her door, his hands landing on either side of her head. It's funny how she hadn't noticed how intense his eyes were until now. He leans forward until their lips are centimetres apart and whispers, "Tell me to stop."

Nikita looks at this man who has somehow broken her number one rule, have no personal relationships, romantic or platonic, in one day. She slowly lets go of his shirt and cups his face in her hands. "Don't stop," she whispers and kisses him. It's intense. Almost too intense. Desire explodes through her body. Her hands pull at his hair and it must hurt but all he does is groan into her mouth. His fingers dig into her bare flesh and all she can think about is how much she needs this man right now.

II

They spend the entire week fucking and sleeping, only venturing as far as her kitchen to occasionally eat.

"We shouldn't be doing this," she whispers. Her fingers are busy running her fingers through his hair.

"Why?" he whispers against her stomach, pressing his lips against her skin making her shiver.

The reasons are endless. She has spent the past two years trying to blend into society whilst constantly looking over her shoulder. The last man she had been intimate with had gotten killed because of who she was. He doesn't know her. If he knew of the things she has done, the people who she has killed, he would never be lying here beside her. This beautiful man, who knows right from wrong would never do any of the horrific things she has done in her past.

If he knew who she really was then he wouldn't be looking at her as if she was his entire world.

But mostly because Division could find her at any moment and she couldn't bare it if this wonderful man gets hurt because of her.

But she can't tell him any of this, so she whispers, "You have to leave in a week."

He lifts his head and crawls up her body until his face hovers above hers.

"Then just enjoy the time that we have."

Then he kisses her, his hands caress her body and she thinks that maybe she can do it, have this bit of happiness just for a short time.

II

Her days are simple, almost boring compared to the life she led in Division. She wakes up, goes to work, maybe have dinner with one of the few friends that she has cautiously made, and then go home alone to her little house by the beach. She thinks about getting a dog to make the small home she has made a bit less lonely.

Yes, compared to her old life where she wore expensive clothes, drank the finest wine, travelled the world and killed people on a regular basis, this new life is the definition of boredom.

Yet she wouldn't change it for the world.

Bringing a man into the picture, especially a military man, would complicate things too much and would put herself and this man into more danger than he could comprehend. Her relationship with Daniel was proof enough of how dangerous getting involved with her was.

II

Then she sees him five months later standing in the spot watching her finish up her class wearing his uniform and that damn smirk. All sensible thoughts fly out of her mind when she runs into his arms and laughs like a teenager when he spins her around.

She's always had a thing for a man in uniform.

II

They talk. _Really_ talk.

She tells him about her rough childhood in the system. He tells her about his dead mother and the father who sent him away. She tells him about life as a drug addict. He tells her about life as a SEAL. She tells him about a man she was going to marry but died far too young. He tells her about his kind of girlfriend Catherine, who isn't really his girlfriend anymore but they are still friends.

She decides that she really wants to shoot his kind of girlfriend Catherine in the face.

Of course she can't tell him everything, but it's more than she ever told Daniel.

_It's a start_, she tells herself.

II

He teaches her how to cook the second night that he's back.

Or at least he tries to.

She was the best recruit in Division. She can disarm a bomb, break a man's neck with her bare hands and assemble a gun blindfolded. Surely she can _cook._

It turns out she can't.

Steve is a reassuring presence behind her, reaching over her shoulder and around her waist, his lingering touches making her shiver. His breath warms the back of her neck and his lips tease her as she tries to concentrate.

When his hand touches the side of her breast, she drops the knife on the counter and launches herself at him. He grabs her and lifts her. Nikita's legs wrap around his waist and her hands tug his hair until his lips attack hers. "You smug bastard," Nikita whispers against his lips when she feels his smirk.

She swallows his laughter.

He sits her on the counter, and impatiently pulls off her shorts and panties. He kisses the inside of her thigh before placing his mouth where she want's him most. Nikita sighs in pleasure and thinks of nothing but this marvellous man and the things that he is doing with his mouth. She rocks against him impatiently, eager for her release. "Steve," Nikita moans. His mouth teases her slick folds and just as she's about to finish Steve pulls away. "Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?" Nikita glares down at him. All he does is smile. "Get back to work you bast-"

His lips cut her off.

Nikita kisses him eagerly and tugs on his belt. Her impatient fingers pulls at his zipper and then he is hot and hard in her hand. A hiss escapes his mouth as she works him with her hand. She guides him into her aching centre and moans in delight when he finally moves. He fucks her quickly, all sloppy kisses and pounding hips whilst still half dressed. The only sounds are her panting and the soft sighs of his name escaping her mouth and she's pretty sure that she hears a plate fall. He rubs her clit and she's finally reached her peak when she feels him release inside of her and all she can think is _Oh._

They stay wrapped around each other for a while with nothing but the occasional soft kiss.

Then the smoke alarm goes off and there's a burning smell coming from the oven and Steve is shouting, "Shit!" and everything is ruined.

"See! This is why I don't cook!" Nikita giggles as she chucks out the burnt food.

"Then what do you eat?" he asks, his serious voice betraying the smile on his lips.

Nikita hesitates. She's only just learnt how much of a health nut he is, so she mumbles guiltily, "Take out."

He doesn't try to teach her again.

II

He introduces her to his father.

They sit through an uncomfortable dinner where Steve remains silent and Nikita and John McGarett make awkward small talk. When they are leaving, John hugs her gently and says, "He's chosen well."

It's one of the few times that she has felt worthy.

II

He tells her that he loves her for the first time when he thinks she's asleep. She can feel his eyes on her as his fingers run through her hair but then he stills his movements for a second, and he whispers, "I love you."

II

She tells him that she loves him for the first time a week later when he is about to leave for another mission. She kisses him gently and whispers against his mouth, "Stay safe. I love you too."

She walks away before he can respond.

II

When she sees Michael standing in her kitchen a two years after meeting Steve, it takes every bit of self-control she possesses not to lunge for the gun that is naïvely hidden in her bedroom. Since Steve has been coming back to the island more often, she has kept the weapons that had been hidden over the house to make sure he doesn't stumble upon one. She curses herself for being too comfortable here and not feel the need to be armed anymore.

There's a tense silence between them as they stare each other down. She wants to ask how he found her, but it's Michael who has his ways and she's slightly surprised that he hasn't found her already.

"You're either very brave or very stupid for coming here."

Michael doesn't respond. He regards her in that cool and calculating way of his. Once his x-ray stare would have had her squirming, but now she remains unaffected.

"I have to admit that I'm surprised to see you here. I figured that when Percy found me it would be Roan to come and kill me. Then again, it's kind of poetic sending my handler, my friend to come and finish the job don't you think? Do you have a strike team nearby or are you hoping to take me on alone?"

"I'm not here to kill you, Nikita."

"Oh, so you're here to ask me to go back? I doubt Percy would like that."

"Percy doesn't know that I'm here."

Now that surprises her. "Then why are you here?"

"Percy knows that you aren't dead." The words make her blood turn cold. "He's ruthless in his search for you. It's only a matter of time until he finds you."

Her stomach drops but she fights to remain calm. "Why haven't you told him where I am?"

He hesitates. "I don't want you to die. You need to leave right now. Disappear. Go live on an island where nobody will ever find you." For a moment she is almost flattered that he still cares enough about her to warn her, that he came all this way just to help her. But then she remembers Steve and the moment is gone.

"I'm not going anywhere."

There's a tense silence.

"What?" Michael asks in astonishment. It's one of the few times that Nikita has managed to surprise him.

"I'm not leaving."

Michael sighs heavily and once again she feels like the recruit who disobeyed his orders. "Nikita, Percy will find you-"

"I appreciate your concern, but if Percy really knows that I'm alive then there is nowhere in the world I can hide from him. I am not leaving Michael."

He clenches his jaw. "Is this about the SEAL?" Nikita's blood turns to ice. "I told you not to get emotionally attached! And yet you're doing it again with this SEAL-"

"Don't bring Steve into this."

"You know what happens to outsiders Nikita-"

"I am not one of you! If I choose to fall in love then I am free to do so!"

"Look at what happened last time. Do you really think this is going to end any other way? Make no mistake Nikita, if he finds out about Division I will do what I have to do."

She flinches away at the coldness in his voice. This isn't the Michael she had known.

It makes her wonder if he had any part in Daniel's death.

She loved this man so much when she was at Division. Michael was her protector, her one friend and at one time she hoped that he would be her lover. The death of his family and his loyalty to Percy were the two things that had always separated them, but the fact that he threatens to go after Steve, any relationship that had been and could have been disappear.

The fact that she can say the next words is a testimony to how much she loves and what she is willing to do for Steve McGarrett.

"You do not own me. Do what you have to do, but if you go near him, I'll kill you Michael."

Steve isn't Daniel. He's a SEAL, he can take care of himself. Daniel was a civilian, defenceless against Division whereas Steve is part of the Navy and can defend himself. But she can still clearly remember her fights with Michael, the coldness in his eyes when he takes out a target. She can still remember finding Daniel face down floating in the water.

It terrifies her to death. She can't lose somebody else.

Especially Steve.

II

She thinks about disappearing. It would be much simpler to disappear whilst Steve is away. There wouldn't be any uncomfortable explanations and painful goodbyes.

But then she remembers every moment with him, and she knows that he deserves so much more than an unexplained disappearance. So she goes over and over a cover story. A lie. She even comes up with a break up speech. But the moment that she sees him on the other side of the door all of her prepared words die on her lips when he smiles and says "Hi."

II

They spend the four days that they have locked in her bedroom. Every touch, every kiss is documented into her memory. On the rare occasions that she sleeps, her dreams are filled with Daniel's body floating in a lake and Michael shooting Steve. She tries to tell herself that Michael's threat was empty, but she knows better. She knows that Division will find her with or without Michael's help. It's only a matter if Steve is caught in the crossfire when they find her.

II

By the time she works up the courage to tell him that it's over he is leaving once again.

_I'll do it next time, _she tells herself.

II

She considers telling him everything, about Division, Daniel, about the person who she really is, but she decides that it's too dangerous.

She refuses to admit that it's because she is terrified that he won't love her anymore if he finds out she's a killer.

II

The decision is taken out of her hands when three agents arrive at her house whilst she is sleeping. She barely makes it out alive, and whilst she stares at the three dead agents in her lounge, she knows that she has to go.

II

Her heart is in her throat when she opens the door to his smiling face a day later. Her body is stiff from the beating she took and Steve takes one look at her bruised cheek and growls, "What the fuck happened to your face?"

She almost says _You should see the other guys_, but she reminds her twisted sense of humour that the other guys are currently buried in the Hawaiian wilderness.

"I'm leaving," she says instead and she has to clench her fists to stop herself from reaching out to him.

"Leaving? What-?"

"I'm leaving Hawaii." _I'm leaving you._

"What? Why? Are you in trouble?"

"No." _Yes._

"Then why- Are those bullet holes?" Steve exclaims in disbelief, his eyes fixed on the wall behind her.

She'd forgotten about those. "No-"

"What the _fuck _is going on Nikita?" Steve demands. He is a man who does not appreciate being lied to, and Nikita can see the amount of control it is taking him not to snap. He rubs his face in frustration.

"I told you. I'm leaving."

"You can't just leave. This is your home! Your whole life!"

"I'm sorry but this is something I have to do."

"Then what about me, huh? You're just going to leave me?"

"Yes."

They stare at one another in anticipation, each waiting for their next move.

"Is this because I'm gone a lot of the time? I told you what my life is like from the start-"

Nikita's heart breaks. "No Steve. This isn't about you. I just have to leave."

"What is this about Nikita?"

She pauses briefly and tries to think up another lie, but she's so tired of lying. Her head hurts and her body aches. She just doesn't have the fight in her anymore.

"I can't tell you."

Steve stares at her in disbelief. "You can't tell me?" he says indignantly. "Let me get this straight.. I come to your house to find you beaten to a pulp with fucking bullet holes decorating your walls and all you have to say to me is that you're leaving and you can't tell me why." He seems to be waiting for an answer so Nikita nods slowly. "Are you kidding me right now?"

"No, Steve. I-I didn't mean for this to happen!" she cries desperately.

"For what to happen?"

"Us! You were never supposed to be involved. I was supposed to keep my head down and disappear. I was supposed to remain a ghost. I wasn't supposed to meet you Steve! I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you!"

Her words seem to knock the breath out of him and then he's striding over to her and pulling her against him.

"Please don't go," he whispers against her lips. "We can figure this out. I can protect you. Don't leave me." His demanding mouth steals away her answer. Her heart is breaking all over again because nobody has ever wanted her, needed her this much in her entire life.

_I have to go._

_No we can't figure this out._

_I'm protecting you._

"I'm sorry. I'm no good for you Steve," she manages to say. Images of him and Catherine flash through her mind and she bites her lip to distract herself from the pain of the thought of him with another woman.

His fist slams against the wall next to her head. "Stop fucking apologising!"

_I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry._

It will never be enough. She understands his anger. She deserves his anger because of this stupid desire to have a normal life with the man she loves is going to get him killed.

"I'm sorry," she says, because what is left to say?

"This isn't a game Nikita. This is our life and you're just going to take off and not tell me why? Do I really mean that little to you?"

She cups his face in her hands. "You are everything. You're all I have. You are my life, don't you get it?!" She kisses him tenderly. "I love you, and it's because I love you that I have to do this." She pushes him away gently.

He rubs his face in frustration and turns away from her.

He's never going to let her go.

So she does the only thing that she can think of.

When his back is turned, she reaches for the gun hidden under the table. "I am so sorry Steve," she says softly. He turns around and for a split second she sees his hard eyes glaring at her before she hits him with the butt of the gun in the side of his head. He drops to the floor instantly and the tears that she has been keeping at bay finally spill over as Nikita rushes to his side. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispers over and over again. She checks his pulse to find it steady. Nikita sighs shakily and presses her lips to his unresponsive ones. "I love you."

She tears herself from his side and grabs the bag from her bedroom. She doesn't let herself look at him when she walks through her front door for the last time. She doesn't trust herself to ever leave is she stays by his side any longer.

II

She goes after Division to right the wrongs that she has created. She goes after Percy for revenge. He has taken everything from her, her identity, her life, Daniel, and finally Steve. So she decides to take everything from him.

II

Only late at night does she let herself admit that she's doing it to keep Steve safe from them.

II


End file.
